once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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