We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
