So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
