I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
