Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
