she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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