seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
