it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
