nut hugger
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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