So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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