It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
