i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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