after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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