I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
