So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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