Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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