is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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