I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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