I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
