p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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