Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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