I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
