is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
