In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
