wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
