this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
