can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
