Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
