i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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