what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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