I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
