How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
