dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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