i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
