i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
