When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
