one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
