I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
