so explain again why im purple
no
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
