You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
