my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
