Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
