He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
