and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
