awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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