Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
