Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
