things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
