What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
