i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The uberlube is also flammable
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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