did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
